Do you always feel unsure about your relationships?
Maybe you can’t stop worrying that your partner will let you down. Or you fear losing your independence, so you protect yourself by keeping your distance. Perhaps you’ve even decided to break up with a perfectly good partner before they have a chance to hurt you first.
Relationship behaviours like these can lead to a pattern that will be repeated throughout your life. You’ll always walk away whenever things start getting difficult. You’ll always expect that the worst will happen eventually. And you will always find yourself becoming uncomfortable whenever a relationship reaches an important milestone, like agreeing to be monogamous.
Is there anything you can do if you always feel like that in your relationships? Can you avoid being the one who’s always holding back or jumping ship?
Start by reviewing how good you feel about your current partner. Do you genuinely care for them? Do you want to make them happy? Love seeing them smile? Miss them when you’re apart? Do you always feel good when you’re together?
Let them go, of course, if you don’t. But if you do feel good about them, then you need to work on the areas in your relationship where you feel uncertain, rather than giving up over your fears.
Are you worried about some difference between you, such as your income or lifestyle? Or is it just the fear of the unknown that makes you reluctant to take the next step in your relationship, like moving in together?
Whatever it is, think about why it’s an issue for you. Are your doubts really about your current partner, or have they come from a previous bad experience? For example, always expecting your partner to be unfaithful just because an earlier one was? Are you worrying about something that may never actually happen, or something real, like a partner who’s drinking too much? Or are you comparing your relationship unfavourably to others around you? It’s easy to think everyone else is happier than you, but that’s only because you can’t see behind closed doors.
Have you discussed any real issues with your partner? Did you find a solution? Because you mustn’t settle for a relationship where there are real problems you can’t live with. So if that’s the case, you should have a serious conversation with your partner, put things right if you can, and move on if you can’t.
You might also like to consider talking to a counsellor to help you make sense of your worries. One will help you to learn from past events, challenge your fears about the future, and, if necessary, help you to tackle any real issues between you and your partner.
But the path to a happy and fulfilling life will always be full of uncertainties. So you’ll only find true love if you’re willing to challenge your fears of the unknown — and to risk leaving your familiar single world in order to become fully committed to another person.
