Why are you still with him when he continuously cheats on you?” That is a question that Liz Bett, 35, and Lonah Angie, in her late 30s, have both had to answer from friends and relatives.
Liz has been married for close to nine years and has spent much of that time treating sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Her husband admits to cheating, apologises and promises to stop. Then he returns to the same behaviour.
“I had known that my husband had been cheating for quite some time with his colleagues. I had all the screenshots of the texts and call logs of their intimate conversations, but I would still end up being intimate with him after he apologised,” she opens up. “I was always fighting infections now and then.”
At first, Liz did not know what she was dealing with. She would go to hospital, get antibiotics and use vaginal washes. The symptoms would disappear and then return. Eventually her doctor recommended a urinalysis, which showed she had chlamydia.
“I had endless vaginal discharge with a very unpleasant smell. Sometimes the irritation would stop me from staying out for long hours, especially when I was around other people.”
At work she carried extra underwear to change when the discharge became too much. One day her waxing therapist remarked on an unusual smell, minutes after Liz left the bathroom following her body scrub.
“I’ve never been so embarrassed in my life as I was that day,” says the mother of two.
She tried vaginal steaming, hoping it would clear the infections, but they kept coming back. The couple also went for several tests together and were given medication. The symptoms returned within days. Liz later realised that her husband would take the drugs but continue having affairs with other women.
She moved into the children’s bedroom, and it has now been two years since she last got intimate with him.
For her, protecting her health is also about being there for her children.
“I sleep better knowing I’m not in and out of hospital or having a mental breakdown. I am healthy, and my children have a super happy mother,” Liz adds.
Lonah tells a similar story. She stopped being intimate with her husband a few months ago, and the break is edging towards a year.
“I wanted to raise my three children while I am healthy and alive,” she says.
She discovered that her husband was cheating with a woman from his home area, whom she had met before. That made the discovery even more shocking. She confronted him several times, but he continued cheating. Meanwhile, her health began to suffer.
Treating one partner alone is a common reason sexually transmitted infections recur.
Photo credit: Shutterstock
“I would get a lot of back pain and smelly urine,” Lonah says. “I would go to hospital, get checked and be given medication, but the symptoms would come back as soon as I slept with him.”
The irritation became so severe that she developed red, swollen rashes around her vagina, which began producing pus.
“I was so embarrassed and felt so uncomfortable even undressing in front of the gynaecologist during one of the examinations.”
At home, her husband repeatedly asked to sleep with her. She gave him all manner of excuses until he eventually stopped asking.
“The peace of mind that comes with not monitoring who he sleeps with is priceless,” she says.
Her husband has since moved out, although he occasionally visits their children.
“I couldn’t face the shame of being divorced, especially from my family. For the sake of my children, I still stay.”
Lonah says she does not want to deprive the children of their father’s affection. “The way the children love and adore him, I wouldn’t want to deny them their father’s love and affection,” she says.
Health complications linked to cheating
Women face serious sexual and reproductive health risks when their partners are unfaithful. The risk is greater when they have little say over sex and condom use. In Kenya, 2026 estimates from the National Syndemic Diseases Control Council put new HIV infections at 13,936. Women accounted for 9,044 of them, more than half.
Pregnant women are at particular risk. Research among women attending antenatal care at Kilifi County Hospital found chlamydia, gonorrhoea, trichomoniasis and bacterial vaginosis (BV). These infections can pass to babies during pregnancy or childbirth. BV is curable, but it can cause miscarriage, premature birth, low birth weight, stillbirth and infections after delivery. Babies born to mothers with chlamydia risk eye infections and pneumonia.
Dr Felix Oindi, a consultant obstetrician-gynaecologist at Aga Khan University Hospital, says the absence of symptoms does not mean the absence of infection. Testing is essential, particularly where there is a possibility of exposure. In his clinic, he sees women with chlamydia, gonorrhoea, trichomoniasis, syphilis, genital herpes, human papillomavirus (HPV), HIV and hepatitis B.
“One of the biggest challenges is that many sexually transmitted infections do not cause obvious symptoms. A woman may have chlamydia or gonorrhoea and feel completely well,” he explains. “Untreated chlamydia and gonorrhoea can spread to the upper reproductive tract and cause pelvic inflammatory disease (PID). This can damage the fallopian tubes, increasing the risk of infertility, ectopic pregnancy and chronic pelvic pain.”
Other infections carry their own long-term dangers. HPV is responsible for most cases of cervical cancer. Chronic hepatitis B can lead to liver damage and liver cancer. Untreated syphilis can eventually affect the brain, nerves and cardiovascular system.
Dr Oindi emphasises that a woman who has contracted an STI from her husband more than once needs a comprehensive assessment. Treating only the infection diagnosed on that occasion is not enough.
“Depending on her circumstances, this should include testing for HIV, syphilis, hepatitis B, chlamydia, gonorrhoea and trichomoniasis. She should also be assessed for pelvic inflammatory disease if she has symptoms such as lower abdominal pain, fever or pain during sex. Cervical cancer screening should be updated if due.”
If HIV exposure occurred within the preceding 72 hours, she should seek urgent medical attention.
“If exposure is ongoing, she can discuss pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP), medication that substantially reduces the risk of acquiring HIV. She should also establish whether she is protected against hepatitis B and receive vaccination if indicated.”
When an infection recurs, reinfection from an untreated partner is a possibility.
“Couples should abstain from sex until both partners have received the appropriate treatment and completed the recommended waiting period. They should also avoid sex if there is an ongoing risk of exposure to an untreated STI. If one partner continues to have other sexual partners, condoms and an individualised prevention plan are important, although condoms cannot eliminate every risk,” he advises.
Treating one partner alone is a common reason STIs recur. “Many men with chlamydia or gonorrhoea have no symptoms, so feeling well does not mean they are free of infection,” he explains. “If a woman is treated but her partner remains infected, they can pass the infection back and forth.
Repeated exposure may delay effective treatment and increase the risk of complications, particularly if the infection spreads to the upper reproductive tract.”
“This is not about assigning blame. It is about ensuring that treatment works and that both partners receive appropriate care. When recurrent infections occur, clinicians should also consider persistent infection, treatment failure and possible antibiotic resistance where relevant,” he adds.
Repeated infections can also harm fertility. Each episode of pelvic inflammatory disease can cause further damage to the fallopian tubes.
“Antibiotics can treat the infection, but they cannot reverse established scarring. This is why early diagnosis and treatment are so important.”
Some STIs can affect pregnancy and the baby. Untreated syphilis can cause miscarriage, stillbirth or serious congenital infection. HIV and hepatitis B can be passed from mother to child. Appropriate antenatal care and preventive treatment can greatly reduce those risks.
Some infections persist for many years or for life. HIV and herpes are lifelong, and hepatitis B becomes chronic in some people. HPV often clears naturally, but certain high-risk types can persist and cause cervical cell changes.
“These infections may cause no symptoms, even when they remain transmissible or have implications for long-term health. It is important to distinguish between an infection that has been successfully treated and one that persists.”
Condoms are one of the most effective ways of reducing the risk of many STIs. Dr Oindi warns, however, that they do not protect against every infection.
“When used correctly and consistently, condoms substantially reduce the risk of infections such as HIV, gonorrhoea, chlamydia and trichomoniasis. They also reduce the risk of hepatitis B transmission through sexual contact,” he says.
Herpes, HPV and syphilis can spread through contact with infected skin or sores that a condom does not cover. Transmission can therefore occur even when condoms are used correctly. Oral sex can also transmit several STIs, and condoms or other barrier protection can reduce that risk.
Couples who want to resume sex need assessment and treatment first. “Treating only the person who has symptoms leaves the possibility of reinfection if the other partner is infected but unaware of it,” he cautions.
The recommended waiting period depends on the infection and the treatment used. After treatment for chlamydia, gonorrhoea or trichomoniasis, couples are generally advised to wait seven days after single-dose treatment. If the course has several doses, they should wait until it is complete.
Follow-up testing is equally important. For chlamydia and gonorrhoea, retesting at about three months is generally recommended because reinfection is common. HIV and syphilis may need repeat testing, depending on the timing of the original exposure and the initial results.
“For lifelong infections such as HIV and herpes, couples should discuss ongoing prevention and treatment with their healthcare provider. This may include condoms, antiviral medication and, for HIV, PrEP for an HIV-negative partner where appropriate. If one partner has hepatitis B, vaccination of the uninfected partner is an important preventive measure.”
“She has every right to insist on condoms or abstain from sex altogether. She can also take steps that do not depend entirely on her partner’s cooperation, including regular STI screening, hepatitis B vaccination where indicated, and PrEP for HIV prevention if she may be exposed to HIV.”
“It is also important to recognise that sexual health involves consent and personal safety. If a woman is pressured, threatened or forced into sex, or prevented from negotiating protection, this is not simply a medical issue. It may be a form of sexual or intimate partner violence,” Dr Oindi says, adding that she should seek support from a trusted healthcare provider, counsellor or appropriate support service.
