Don't just assume your sex life is "fine"—understanding your anatomy is the first step toward true satisfaction.
As Jackie explained her long-standing sex problem, it occurred to me that many women have never had their clitoris examined.
While many are familiar with the existence of the organ, I doubt they understand its role in sexual satisfaction and how to maximise its functions.
Jackie is a 30-year-old teacher and mother of two who has been married for five years to Andrew, an accountant at a non-governmental organisation (NGO). She loved him; they were emotionally connected and best friends. In such a relationship, sex is expected to be satisfying.
"But ours is different. I have never had an orgasm with Andrew," she explained. "Actually, I have only had an orgasm once in my life, with a boyfriend I had while I was in school."
I interrogated her further to understand their process of sex. Having had an orgasm once was a good sign that she could climax. Their sexual routine was fairly acceptable, with foreplay lasting 20 to 30 minutes. There was no premature ejaculation, either.
"Without belabouring the point, I would say that Andrew does everything right. Of course, I also fully participate, and I enjoy it," she said, smiling mischievously.
However, Jackie's typical experience was that sex would end without orgasm. She had anorgasmia, the medical term for failing to climax despite everything going well during sex.
"It's not a good feeling," she lamented. "You're left hanging, and at some point, you don't want to have sex for fear of that happening again."
I examined her. I needed to know if a medical issue could have interfered with her sexual response. As part of the examination, I asked her if her clitoris had ever been examined. She frowned, wondering what I meant. She had never had such an exam. Like many women, she had never paid attention to this important sex organ.
"The clitoris is the powerhouse of sexual pleasure for women. It has no other function in the body. While most people only know it as a small protrusion about the size of a pea, the truth is that the clitoris extends into the inner sides of the vaginal opening. Its full length is about 9 cm.
“The clitoris is powered by about 8,000 nerves. This is double the number of nerves in the male organ. As such, the clitoris is extremely sensitive. Because of its extensive innervation, a woman's orgasm is more intense than a man's. It is one of nature's marvels. Every woman’s clitoris is unique. This means that women experience sexual stimulation differently from each other. "
"All right, doctor," Jackie interjected, realising that I was getting carried away with my monologue on the mystery of the clitoris. "Just advise me on how I can have an orgasm now that I have this marvelous organ."
I asked to examine her clitoris to ensure it was healthy enough to function properly. You see, women can have orgasms even without penetrative sex if the clitoris is in the right position. Some women experience repeated orgasms during a sexual cycle when the clitoris is particularly aroused.
However, my examination revealed that the skin that slides to protect the exposed outer part of the clitoris was stuck and not retractable. This sometimes happens when one has had an infection. In severe cases, it can lead to clitoral pain during sex.
As for Jackie, the most sensitive part of her clitoris was buried deep within her skin, which greatly compromised its sensitivity. Orgasm rarely occurs under such circumstances.
"A small surgical procedure will release the adhesions, and after you heal, you will be able to have an orgasm," I explained.
Two days later, Jackie came in for the clitoral release procedure. It was performed successfully. Now, we needed to let her get better before having sex and seeing if she would have an orgasm.
Two months later, she healed and made the attempt. Thankfully, a mind-blowing orgasm happened. A new lease of life was injected into her marriage, reconfirming the importance of the clitoris in a woman's sex life.
"I hope you will write about my case so that other women pay attention to their clitoral health," Jackie said reflectively. "Well, I'm not even sure people know what a clitoris is."
Incidentally, the clitoris is well known, even socially. People know that it has something to do with female sexual pleasure.
Sometimes, however, it is assaulted or even cut off, as in the case of female genital mutilation, where the unfortunate belief is that sexual pleasure for women is bad and should be controlled.
Others enjoy playing with it during sex. Therefore, it is not really a matter of the clitoris being unknown, but rather a failure to recognise that keeping it healthy makes sex more enjoyable.
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